Finding My Place vol.9: r o c k s



"I'm not afraid, to take a stand. Everybody, come take my hand. We'll walk this road together, through the storm. Whatever weather, cold or warm. Just letting you know that you're not alone." - Not Afraid - Eminem

"M," Kong looked over from where he sat, working on his report.

M, who was resting on his bed with Oak to his left and me to his right, leaned forward. "Yes? What is it, Kong?"

"Where are the sheets I gave you?"

"Oh my. I left them in room 303."

"What do we do? I need them for tomorrow."

"I'll go fetch them for you tomorrow morning, then."

"But," Oak butted in, "we have to submit the report by 10:00 am. How are we going to finish it by then?"

"A deal with the devil?" I suggested, not looking up from my report which had only a paragraph and a half of text.

"Aish," M rolled his eyes, taking his pillow from behind him and smacking the back of my head with it.

"Oi, I'm injured here!" I snatched the pillow from him and tossed it at his face.

"So am I!"

"Guys," Kong interrupted us before we could get farther into our fight. "Let's go get those sheets right now."

"Kong, wait a minute," Oak told him. "Right now? It's already midnight. What about those ghosts?"

"I would love to meet a ghost," I sighed, shifting onto my side so I could prop my cheek up into my hand. "Sounds like fun."

"We can all go together," Kong suggested. "Don't be a scaredy-cat. Let me go get changed first."

M's face turned a bit pale as he looked between us. "Oak, Aspen, my leg hurts. Why you guys go with Kong?"

Oak reached over to poke at his leg. "It doesn't really hurt, does it?" M made an exaggerated sound of pain, stroking his leg and Oak laughed. "Isn't it the other leg that's hurting?"

I rolled my eyes at them, pushing myself up. "Don't worry, Kong, you can leave these scaredy-cats behind. I'll go with you."

"Are you sure you're okay to walk with the stairs?"

"Oh…" I frowned, scratching my cheek. "Might take a while to get up the stairs… I can still go with you, I'll just wait at the bottom for you."

He nodded. "Let me change quickly, I'll be right back."

Kong left the room to return to his own on the floor below. I sat up on the side of the bed, slipping my feet into my boots and lacing them up. I felt a tap on my lower back and glanced over, seeing M kicking me with his foot.

"What is it?"

"Are you really not scared?"

"Of ghosts? No. I listen to paranormal stories on YouTube all of the time, they're really fascinating."

M shivered at the though, his nose wrinkled. "You're so weird."

"You're just jealous," I scoffed.

"Of what?"

"Uh…" I scratched my cheek, trying to think of a witty retort. "I got nothin'."

They both laughed at me and I scowled at them, smacking M's thigh. The door opened and Kong appeared, motioning toward me. I stood up and hobbled over to him, waving at the boys before leaving the room. My leg was still sore and bandaged, but it didn't hurt too bad and I could almost walk at a normal pace now. Stairs were a different story, though.

"Do you think it's really haunted?" Kong wondered as we stepped out into the night. It was a warm night with a gentle, cool breeze blowing through the trees around the campus.

I hummed, sticking my hands into my pockets. "It's possible. Schools are usually hot spots for haunted activity. Oh! I have this cool app on my phone that lets you communicate with spirits. We can try that if you want."

"Why do you have that?" he quirked a brow, amusement in his brown eyes.

"Well… I wanted to be a paranormal investigator."

"Why didn't you?"

I shrugged. "Too afraid, I guess. Not of the ghosts or spirits, but… I don't know. The thought of going to an abandoned place where there might be people lingering about… that was far more scary to me than the possibility of ghosts."

"You're really scared of people, aren't you?" he questioned softly, frowning at me when I nodded.

"Humans are the real monsters."

It didn't take us long to reach the building and I sat down on the bottom steps, pulling out my phone to keep me occupied while Kong went up to get the papers M had forgotten. The room was pitch black, the light of my phone casting ominous shadows across the walls. I started up one of the games but it didn't keep my interest for too long and I ended up swapping over to my eBooks app.

While I love reading, especially manga, I don't like digital reading. It gives me a headache and just feels weird. There's nothing quite like holding a book in your hand, the smell of the pages and the ink comforting as you turn the page. But, I had forgotten to bring one with me so I'd have to settle for e-reading this time. I didn't want to read anything that I owned, preferring to read the physical copy especially since I already spent the money.

There were plenty of options, of course, but I wanted something light-hearted, funny, and about school. Let's see… Oh, this one sounds quite interesting. It's called 'Into the Net!' and it's listed as comedy, school life, shounen, and sports. It's also about delinquents, which is always a fun read.

I got about halfway through the manga when I heard steps coming down the stairs. I didn't bother looking up, wanting to finish this chapter before we headed back to the dorm. "Did you see any ghosts?"

"Were we supposed to?"

I nearly dropped my phone at the deep voice and I fumbled with it for a few seconds before finally getting my grip on it and standing up. Standing on the landing was a guy I had never seen before, along with the third year hazers. "Uh…"

"What are you doing here?" Bright questioned, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he leaned forward.

"Uh…"

"Is that all you can say?" came the deep voice again, belonging to the man I hadn't seen before.

I quickly came to my senses and put my hands together, bowing my head. "S-Sorry. Hello…"

The mean repeated Bright's question. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, uh… well… I… forgot something and I… I came to… to get it," I shifted my weight from my injured leg, staring at the steps in front of me.

"By sitting on the stairs?" Bright quirked a brow.

"Well… my leg, it, uh…" I motioned toward my knee, which was just visible from beneath the basketball shorts I wore. "It started to hurt… badly so, um, I was… resting?"

"You don't sound so sure," the man commented as he descended the last of the steps, coming to a stop in front of me.

"She did get hurt, Dear," Knot supplied, his eyes meeting mine. He looked exhausted and for some reason, I just wanted to hug him, but I definitely didn't have the stones to act on that desire.

"Wait, are you one of the girls that got injured during the hazing meeting?" the man, Dear, questioned.

I noticed the hazers tensing up at the question and I felt like I needed to walk carefully. "Uh… yes, but it was… was my fault… I didn't do what t-they told me to, see, so I… I ended up hurting myself…"

He didn't seem to fully believe me, but he didn't press the issue. "Is it bad?"

"Ah, no… not at all!" I waved my hands in front of me frantically. "It's almost c-completely healed!"

"Good," he smiled at me before turning toward the hazers still lingering on the landing of the stairs. "Bright, why don't you make sure she gets back safely to her dorm?"

"Of course," Bright didn't look happy, but he didn't complain.

I shuffled off to the side to let the others pass out of earshot before looking at Bright, giving him an awkward smile. "You, uh… you don't have to walk me back… I'm fine… really!"

"Dear told me to, so let's go." He motioned for the door and I hesitated, looking back at the stairs.

"R-Really, it's okay! If he asks, I'll… I'll, uh, make sure he knows you did."

"Why are you so complicated?" he complained, putting his hand on his hip. "Let's just get this over with."

"Bright, I'll take her."

I snapped my gaze to the door as Knot approached us. Warmth flooded my chest as it always did when he was around and I was starting to get annoyed by it. Not that it wasn't an awesome feeling, but it was strange, unknown, and that scared me.

Bright looked at him, then me, than back at him and shrugged before walking away. I smiled at Knot, thankful for the darkness of the room. "You really don't h-have to… I'll be fine!"

Knot smiled, sticking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "You didn't come here alone, did you?"

"Uh…"

Steps echoed on the stairs and I looked over, seeing Kong and… Arthit? They paused on the landing and Arthit rolled his eyes, looking annoyed. "Why are you here?"

I pointed at Kong and offered him a sheepish smile. "I came to… keep him company…"

"Why is it always you two?" he muttered. "Go back to your dorms."

Kong smiled at me as he came down the stairs, knocking his shoulder lightly against my own as he held up the papers he had come to retrieve. "Ready to go?"

"Uh-huh." I glanced at Knot, giving him a nervous smile and a nod of thanks.

"Stay out of trouble!" Arthit barked as we headed for the door.

"Jesus," I muttered. "That guy is everywhere."

Kong chuckled. "Seems like it."

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I was carrying a folder full of papers that the teacher had asked me to deliver on my way to my next class. The others had gone ahead of me just in case it took too long to deliver them - I didn't want them to be late. I was walking outside toward the lunch area when, all of a sudden, the folder was smacked from my hand, the papers scattering.

I snapped my eyes up, narrowed at whoever had done it, only to be filled with annoyance at who I saw. Ray and Mai were standing there, both glaring at me. "What's your problem? Those are for the teacher."

"Our problem?" Ray asked in disbelief. "You've done nothing but embarrass our family! We told you that we were going to be watching you and you've done nothing but screw up and mess with the hazers."

"You're pathetic," Mai added. "How many times do you plan to run away from the hazers? You even cry each time, as if that's supposed to make it okay. You're just a weak little crybaby!"

Their words didn't hold much weight to me because they're shitty people in general, but it still stung because, deep down, I felt that way about myself. All those things they were calling me, I've called myself at some point during my life, especially lately. And these two, they were like hungry sharks. The slightest hint of injury and they strike.

"I bet you got hurt on purpose just to avoid the activities," Mai scoffed, putting her hand on her hip. "Mother is not going to be pleased when she learns about all the shit you've pulled lately."

"We'll enjoy seeing you get punished by her. I hear she's going to cut off your allowance," Ray smirked.

I rolled my eyes, shifting my weight because my knee was starting to hurt. She barely gave me any money anyway, and I still had my dad's allowance.

The two of them exchanged a look before smirking at me, Mai leaning forward. "She knows about the money your dad gives you, too. You're dumb, but even you should realize that she's able to sweet talk anything out of him, he's wrapped around her finger."

"Say goodbye to your dad's money, too," Ray huffed and the two of them started to walk away, Ray bumping his shoulder roughly into mine. I stumbled backward and a sharp pain shot through my knee. I wasn't able to catch my balance and I fell backward onto the ground.

I hissed in pain as I felt something cut into my palm and when I lifted it up to inspect it, I saw a jagged cut in the skin, blood beginning to leak from the wound. Looking at the ground, I saw a sharp rock just sitting there, blood tainting its otherwise off-white appearance. Do the rocks have some kind of fucking grudge against me or what? For fuck's sake.

I pulled myself onto my knees, using my uninjured hand to gather the papers. A couple of them had little droplets of blood on the sides and I cursed. How am I going to explain this to the teachers?

"Why aren't you in class?"

Please don't be him, please don't be him, please don't be - fuck.

I looked up at Prem's angry face, his hands on his hips. "A-Ah… hello…"

He didn't look impressed. "Answer my question."

I cleared my throat, focusing on the papers while trying to keep my right hand hidden from him. "The teacher, she… she asked me to d-deliver… these…"

"Then why are you on the floor?" he questioned, squatting down in front of me. When he spoke again, his voice was surprisingly soft. "Is your knee bothering you?"

"Ah, no, it's…" I couldn't tell him that my step-brother shoved me and I lost my balance. Not only did I not want people to know they are my step-siblings, I also don't want to explain why he'd push me or what we were talking about beforehand. Shaking my head, I told him, "I just… lost my balance…" His eyes narrowed as I finished gathering the pages, pulling myself to my feet. "I should, uh… get going. E-Excuse me."

"Hold it," he called out, grabbing my wrist before I could walk away, tugging me toward him and holding up my hand. "Why are you bleeding?"

"Ah, well…" I cleared my throat, keeping my eyes on the ground. "When I f-fell… a rock… I'm fine, r-really!" I tried to pull my wrist free but he only rolled his eyes and tightened his grip, tugging me in the direction he had come from. I wanted to ask where he was taking me but I couldn't seem to get the words out, so I just remained quiet, resigning myself to whatever fate he had in mind.

Prem brought me to a small room on the fourth floor. It was pretty empty, containing a long table in the center with several plastic chairs around it, a filing cabinet against the back wall and a couple of decorative tables on the opposite side which were empty minus one plant I couldn't give a name.

"Sit," he ordered, pointing to the chairs before stepping up to the single locker situated in the corner near the filing cabinet.

My nose wrinkled and I was tempted to tell him that I'm not a dog, but I figured that would be a bad choice. Instead, I set the papers onto the table before falling onto the hard plastic chair, a bright blue in color. Prem was rifling through the locker, muttering to himself as he did so.

What if he's looking for a weapon? I mean, this is the perfect chance for him to murder me if there ever was one! Everyone is in class far away from this room, we're here alone and no one even knows we're together. He could totally kill me and dispose of my body without anyone being the wiser! What are the regulations in Thailand for guns? No no, he doesn't seem like a gun person, he's more of a… metal bat with spikes kinda guy.

The chair scraped across the linoleum floor as Prem pulled it away from the table, setting it in front of me. He set a square first-aid kit on the table, unlatching the metal piece that secured the lid in place. When he reached for my hand, I winced, still not fully comfortable with being touched. I was hoping he didn't notice but I figured he did when his hand hesitated next to my own.

He stared at my hand for a moment, seemingly in thought but he finally took hold of my wrist, bringing my hand toward him before reaching into the kit and taking out an antiseptic wipe. A tense silence settled over the room as he cleaned the cut and I was surprised by how gentle he was being, especially considering how angry he usually is.

"Are you afraid of me?" he questioned quietly as he rubbed a clear gel onto the wound.

"Yes," I replied without hesitation before slapping my hand over my mouth.

His eyes shot up to mine, surprise clear on his face.

"Ah, but…!" I panicked, pulling my hand away so I could wave them frantically in front of me. "I-It's not just you… I, uh… well… I'm kind of s-scared of everyone… in general…"

"What?"

I heaved a heavy sigh, dropping my hands to my lap. "I… have agoraphobia. It's a f-fear of people… everyone scares me a-and… it takes a while b-before I feel… comfortable… I'm sorry…"

Prem hummed, taking my hand again so he could wrap a white cloth bandage around it. "That makes sense and explains a lot. I just thought you were weird."

"Yeah…" I cringed, wrinkling my nose. "M-Most people do…"

He finished wrapping my hand but didn't let it go, inspecting his handiwork. "I'm sorry."

My head snapped up in surprise, eyes wide. Did he just… "Um… w-what for?"

"When I snapped at you the other day, I was out of line," he admitted, meeting my eyes. His gaze was burning and I found myself unable to look away despite how uncomfortable I felt. "I was mad at Waad and took it out on you."

"Ah, i-it's fine! I… I kind of deserved it… I was a j-jerk to you a-and to Arthit… I'm the one that… that should be apologizing to you… I'm sorry!" I bowed my head, feeling my face warming up. "A-And… thank you… for helping m-me the other day a-and for helping me now…"

"You're welcome," he smiled. "Now get to class before I punish you."

"Ah, but…" I glanced toward the papers on the table. "I still have to -"

"I'll take them." He stood up, closing up the first-aid kit before picking up the papers and sending me a serious look. "Go to class."

And who was I to argue? "Y-Yes, sir!"

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"All right, everyone. Today, we'll teach you how to cheer. Please get up," Yacht instructed as he and several of the other second years stood. We were all gathered in the activity room. "Ready?"

"Ready!"

"Set, go."

The freshmen, with their arms around whoever was on either side of them, started to half-heartedly bow. This didn't last long, though, as the junior hazers made their entrance.

"Enough!" Arthit barked. "What are you doing? Is that the best you've got? You are not loud enough. And you are not in sync." Shaking his head, he turned his attention toward the second years, slowly approaching them.

I suddenly had a really bad feeling creeping up in the back of my mind.

"I want to know who taught the freshmen."

Yacht raised his hand immediately, taking a step forward. "I did."

"Show me how to do our cheer," Arthit ordered. "I want to see what you taught them."

I could see the nerves creeping up on Yacht and the other second years and I felt bad for them. They were getting into trouble because we weren't doing them justice. This sucks.

"Freshmen, sit," Yacht ordered, though it wasn't nearly as harsh as the third years' tended to be.

The freshmen started to sit down on the ground but I hesitated, meeting his eyes. He nodded - a silent sign that it was okay and I reluctantly took a seat. Once everyone was settled, he took to the end of the line.

"Ready?" The second years placed their left legs forward. "Set, go." They started to bob up and down, chanting as they did so, but the seniors didn't look impressed.

"Is that the best you've got?" Arthit questioned. "I'm not surprised at all that the freshmen can't cheer properly. They have got terrible teachers. You suck! You will continue to cheer until the freshmen learn how to cheer properly. Start!"

They started again, continuing on and on and on. It was painful to watch.

"Louder," Prem ordered.

"We are engineers, ready?" Yacht called out exasperatedly.

"This is not acceptable!" Arthit yelled at them. "You suck!"

"Stop!" I cried, jumping up as the same time as Kong raised him arm. Yacht sent me a warning look, shaking his head but I ignored him, facing Arthit head on. "Aspen, ID 0018. I have something to say."

Kong stood up, sending me a nod. "I'm Kongpob, student ID 0062. Please excuse me."

"What is it?" Arthit sighed in frustration, looking between us.

Kong sent me a look, asking for permission and I nodded. "Aspen and I would like to do the cheer on their behalf."

"I won't allow it. We don't need a hero here. Sit back down."

"I refuse," I stated, feeling my heart racing within my chest and adrenaline fill me. "You are wrong, Arthit."

"Excuse me?"

"They are not bad teachers. They are damn good teachers but even the greatest of farmers can lead a horse to water but they can't force it to drink! It's our fault for not doing it properly, not theirs."

"Sit down."

"I refuse."

"If you won't sit down, then get out."

Kong sent me a defeated look and slowly sat back down, but I hesitated, glancing first to Yacht and then back to the hazers. Bright looked amused, Knot was giving me a warning look, Prem was glaring, Tuta looked curious, and Arthit looked annoyed.

"Please…" I pleaded, "Give us another chance. Let us do it right, let us prove what good teachers they are!"

"Enough!" he snapped, pointing at the door. "Get out."

"Excuse me." Kong raised his hand again.

"I won't allow it," Arthit snapped at him.

"Excuse me, please," Kong insisted more forcefully.

"Kongpob! I won't allow it! Get out this instant, both of you! Go!"

Kong sent me a look and I've never seen him so bothered before as he stood up and began to make his way through the crowd. I looked to Yacht for guidance and he sighed, giving me an exasperated look. With a huff of frustration, I started after Kong, weaving my way through the other freshmen.

"I'm Katawut, student ID 0097. Please let me speak."

I stopped, turning slightly to see M with his hand raised as he stood up from his seat. What is he doing?

Arthit turned toward him, more exasperated than annoyed. "What is it?"

"I would like my friends to come back," M spoke softly and hesitantly, "and in exchange, I'll… we'll cheer on their behalf."

"I won't allow it. Sit back down."

I scowled at Kong who had come up to stand beside me. "Why is he so stingy?"

"I have no clue."

M sat back down, but then Tew raised his arm and spoke up. "Excuse me."

"No," Arthit glared at him.

"Excuse me," May's hand shot into the air.

"I won't allow it."

"Excuse me," Oak's hand shot into the air.

A smile lit up my face, my heart filled with warmth as all of our friends, our classmates, spoke up against the hazers.

"No."

"Excuse me!" Maprang's hand shot into the air.

"I won't allow it."

"Excuse me." Prae's hand shot into the air.

"Excuse me."

"Excuse me."

"Excuse me."

"Excuse me."

Nearly every hand was raising in the air, each student calling out to get Arthit's attention. It was absolutely glorious and I couldn't stop smiling. Yacht sent me a look of disbelief, his eyes lit up as he shook his head.

"Enough!" Arthit barked, heaving a heavy sigh. He took a moment to collect himself. "If you want to cheer on the sophomores' behalf this bad, then go ahead. I will let you do it… but I will not allow your friends to stay here."

Kong and I exchanged a look. I wasn't too upset about being kicked out since it wasn't my first time, but I did feel bad about Kong having to leave too. But… I don't regret my choice. The second years didn't deserve to be treated that way because of us. Though, something told me that I was going to get quite a lecture from Yacht later on, but that's fine. I can accept that.

"Why are you still here? Get out!" Arthit ordered, glaring at us.

"Okay," Kong tugged on my arm and, with one last look at the second years, I followed him from the room, able to hear Arthit's shouting and the freshmen's chanting even after we've left the room.

"Hey, are we going to wait for them?" I wondered as we made our way out of the building, feeling the cool breeze on my skin.

"Yeah, let's do that," Kong agreed, settling down on the front steps. I settled down next to him, playing with the ring on my finger - a present from Taeho on my thirteenth birthday. "How's your knee? And your hand."

"Knee is pretty much healed. There's just a little scab there now. As for my hand…" I held it up for him to see the little specks of blood that had formed through the bandage. "It's taking longer to heal because it's my dominant hand. I keep re-opening the wound."

"You never told me how it happened."

"Ah, well…" I rubbed the back of my head. Should I tell him the truth? "Kong, can I… be honest with you?"

Kong turned his body so he was facing me and nodded, a serious expression on his face. "Of course. You can tell me anything. I promise it will stay between us if that's what you want."

"I'll give you the short version," I offered, propping my chin up in my hand. "My dad remarried a Taiwanese woman, that's why we moved here, but her family doesn't exactly… like me. She has two kids that attend this college and they're not happy about how I'm doing," I sighed, turning my head toward the darkening sky.

"They did that to your hand?" he frowned.

"Not directly. He knocked me with his shoulder when he walked by and I lost my balance. Apparently the rocks at this school hate me," I grinned, but he didn't laugh like I had expected him to.

He shook his head. "Did you tell the teacher?"

"It was an accident -"

"He bumped you on purpose."

"- and besides, telling the teacher will only make things worse for me."

Footsteps sounded behind us and I glanced over my shoulder, seeing the hazers exiting the building and talking about what they wanted to eat. I just knew they weren't going to pass by us without saying something.