Always (Kuroro Lucilfer) Chapter 4

 “I hate you so much it makes me sick – it even makes me rhyme.”

Since your and Kuroro's face-off, things have been extremely tense between the two of you. You had spent several hours in that cold shower before you calmed down enough to be near the object of your self-destruction. Your body had been cold, mind numb and fingers shriveled like prunes. It didn't matter, though. You simply threw on a pair of underwear and a t-shirt before climbing into bed, the covers pulled over your entire body.

Since then, you hadn't said a single word to him. You hadn't looked at him, glanced at him or even acknowledged his presence. As far as you were concerned, he was simply a fragment of your twisted imagination.

He had made several attempts to talk to you, but you just ignored him.

It had been one full week now. A week without a word from you. A week without you leaving the hotel room. A week without you eating.

Enough was enough.

Kuroro closed his book, setting it on the round table beside his chair. He stood, walking over to stand in front of your hunched-over form that sat on the side of the bed, staring blankly at the white carpet beneath your feet.

"Y/N," his deep voice penetrated your mind but you ignored it. It was obvious that Kuroro had had enough of being ignored. He was sick of the way you had been acting. "Look at me, Y/N."

You looked to the side, standing up and attempting to walk away but Kuroro grabbed your arm roughly, stopping you in your tracks. "Let go of me!" you yelled angrily, voice hoarse from the lack of use. You tried to yank your arm free, but he just tightened his grip. He was already stronger than you, but with you going a whole week without any nourishment made you even weaker against him. Your mental state wasn't exactly in the best shape, either.

Kuroro narrowed his eyes in annoyance, his voice cold and cruel. "Stop acting like a spoiled brat. I'm tired of your pouting."

You growled again, feeling your heart heavy as if it were made out of lead. Tears of anger began to build in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. "Fuck you!" you spat, attempting once again to rip your arm free.

His grip tightened even more and you winced. "Is that any way to talk to the one person who is willing to put up with your bullshit? Do you honestly believe there is another person in this world willing to put up with you? Why do you think your friends abandoned you? I was just the excuse they used." His voice was as cold as ice and each word penetrated your heart like a million tiny needles.

Your eyes widened, tears now flowing freely down your cheeks. His words had hit home, bringing with it a torrent of raging emotions. You felt the heavy weight of sorrow, pain, anger, and hatred bearing down upon you; it was too much to bear. Your blurry eyes lowered and your hands balled into such tight fists that your nails cut into the skin of your palms. Blood drizzled from the wounds, dropping from your clenched fingers and onto the white carpet below, staining it maroon.

"I hate you..." you whispered softly before raising your voice. "I fucking hate you!" You mustered up all of your strength and hit him hard in the chest. He stepped back with wide eyes, releasing your arm in the process. As soon as you were free, you bolted out of the room.

Kuroro stood still, shocked at the way you had acted. Since the day the two of you met, you had never attacked him or said you hated him. No matter what he did or said, you had never once hit him, not even in a playful manner, and even though you often acted hateful towards him, you never once said you hated him.

He collapsed on the bed, elbows on his knees. His dark eyes stared at the small puddle of blood on the carpet. In all the time he's known you, he had never actually hurt you physically. Sure, he dealt his fair share of mental damage, but he had never once made you draw blood like he just had.

It unnerved him and he didn't understand why.

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You collapsed in an empty alleyway after hours of running away, breathing heavily with your head pounding. You had fallen face-first on the pavement, arms at your side. The blood from your palms had hardened quicker due to the freezing cold temperatures, staining your skin dark red. Blood was smeared on your arms where you had hugged yourself in a futile attempt to keep warm. Your body temperature had lowered a great deal because you were wearing nothing but shorts and a tank top.

Your breath came out in uneven puffs of air. The ground beneath you was as cold as ice, making goosebumps erupt on your exposed skin. Your eyes were half open and glazed. Your tears had stopped but the dried streaks on your cheeks were still visible under the moonlight.

'Was it all a part of your plan, Kuroro?', you chuckled bitterly as your eyes slid closed. You weren't fully unconscious, floating on the border between. You could faintly hear footsteps approaching you and then the feeling of being lifted up.

Darkness took over your mind.

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You groaned, slowly opening your eyes and putting a hand to your aching head. It took a few minutes for your eyes to regain their normal focus. You attempted to sit up, but a pair of warm hands gently pushed you back down.

"You shouldn't move too much until you regain your strength." The voice was soft and caring, and so very familiar, but with your head spinning, there was no way you could place it with a face.

"W-Where am I? What happened?" your voice was hoarse and your throat burned from the effort it took to speak. It felt as if you had traveled through the desert for months without any water.

"First things first, you should try and drink some water. You've been out for almost three days now."

You slowly sat up with the help of the mysterious male, feeling a little less dizzy than when you first woke up. You took the glass from his hand and downed the whole thing before sighing in relief, leaning back against the headboard of the bed you were laying on.

Your gaze shifted to the male who sat in a chair by the bed and your eyes widened in disbelief, your heart clenching painfully as your grip on the glass loosened. You reached out a shaking hand to touch his cheek but drew back before you made contact. Your bandaged hands clenched around the sheets, head hanging low with a shadow over your eyes. You bit your lip hard, a small string of blood running from the corner of your mouth.

"Calm down," he uttered softly, wiping away the blood with a tissue before placing his hand over yours. It was warm and comforting.

"Why?" you whispered.

"Hm?" The male blinked in confusion, cocking his head to the side.

"Why haven't you killed me?" you cried, hot tears streaming down your flushed cheeks.

"Shh," he pulled you into a hug, rubbing your hair to calm you down. You clung to him, clutching his clothes tightly between your fingers.

"I deserve it! I deserve to die by your hand!"

"Stop that." He pushed you back so he could look at you, holding you at arm's length. He looked into your pained eyes, his voice soft but demanding. "You don't deserve to die, by my hand or anyone else's, and I refuse to do so."

"Kurapica..."

He smiled, wiping away your tears with his thumb. "No more tears. You want to know how you got here, right?"

You nodded, wiping your eyes with your hands and sniffling. He sat back in the chair and began to tell the tale of how you arrived in his hotel room.

"Hisoka was actually the one to find you. He knew we were in the city and brought you to us. He said he found you passed out in an alleyway, but you can imagine we were wary of his story. Leorio looked you over and bandaged your hands. He said you'd be fine, you just needed to get warm and get some rest." He paused, biting his lip as if reluctant to continue. "I have a few questions. What were you doing out in the cold dressed like that? Why were your hands bleeding? And where did that bruise on your arm come from?"

Your hand flew to your left arm where Kuroro had grabbed you; it was purple and slightly sore to the touch, but otherwise okay. You took a deep breath and proceeded to explain what had happened before you landed in the alleyway. You were hesitant to explain, but you needed to get it off of your chest.

Kurapika didn't look too surprised by your story, nor did he look happy.

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Three days.

That's how much time had passed since you stormed out of the hotel. You never came back so Kuroro went out looking for you, the image of the way you were dressed etched into his mind. Being in the state you were in, you probably wouldn't have fought if someone tried doing something to you. He looked everywhere with no luck.

He had followed your nen trail, weak as it was, to an alleyway some thirty blocks away from the hotel. As he continued his search, he found himself in the park nearby where you usually went to think things over. He sure as hell did not expect to find Hisoka there, leaning against one of the light posts.

Hisoka chuckled when Kuroro approached. "Looking for something you've lost~?"

"Where is Y/N? Their scent is all over you."

He chuckled, pulling out the ace of spades from thin air and holding it to his lips. "Who knows~"

Kuroro took a threatening step forward, his voice cruel and demanding, " Where is Y/N ?"

"I returned them."

"What?" his eyes narrowed.

"I took Y/N back to the chain-user and his friends. So~ they are either dead or has rejoined them. Either way, you've lost them~" Hisoka laughed psychotically before disappearing into thin air.

He had to have been lying... there's no way they would have taken you back, he made sure of that. Did that mean they killed you? Kuroro stared hatefully at the ground. He would find you and then he'd punish you for running away from him.

After that, he'd kill both Hisoka and that chain-using bastard for interfering in his relationship.

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You sat back on the bed chatting happily with Kurapica; you had a lot of catching up to do. You mostly talked about what Kurapica and his friends had been up to since you tried your hardest to avoid the subject of Kuroro. You had told him everything, but you didn't want to speak about him anymore. You just wanted to talk to your best friend, like you always used to do. Of course, Kurapica was too curious for that.

"Can I ask you something?" Kurapica questioned softly. You nodded and he continued. "With the way that Kuroro treats you... why have you stayed with him?"

"I had no one else," you murmured softly, bowing your head.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I just..." he held his head down in shame. "I'm so sorry, Y/N."

You smiled, grabbing his hand. "Don't worry about it. It was a natural reaction, given the circumstances. I don't blame you at all. Hell, I probably would have reacted the same way." you shook your head. "It's all in the past, anyway."

"Things are different now. We've forgiven each other, right? There's no need to go back to him. You can stay with me, with us!"

You shook your head, a bitter smile on your lips. "As good as that sounds... I can't. I'm sorry, Kurapika."

"What are you worried about? If you're with me, he can't hurt you or control you. I've defeated him once, I can do it again!"

"It's not that..."

His brow furrowed in confusion before he gasped in surprise when he finally understood, leaning back in his chair with wide eyes. "Don't tell me... you're in love with him?"

"Yeah. I fell in love with the bastard. I'm sick of this love, but I can't get rid of it. It's here to stay." you muttered, moving your gaze to the ceiling. " This love can hurt, like I'm buried beneath the dirt. But I can't walk away, I can't stray from this rainy day ."

Before Kurapica could comment, the door was swung open roughly. Following that was Leorio's shouts of "We're back!"

Leorio was carrying one bag of food in his right hand, while Gon and Killua were carrying several, along with drinks. When they noticed you sitting up in bed with a defeated look on your face and Kurapica in the chair next to you with a shocked expression, the three froze, looking both cautious and curious as they looked between the two of you. Time seemed to stop as they stared at you, each feeling a different emotion swelling in their chest.

You refused to look at them, feeling as if you didn't deserve to. Kurapika may have forgiven you, but that didn't mean the others would, as well.

Gon was the first to step forward and break the silence, setting the bags of food and the drinks on the rectangular table that sat in front of the lime green couch. He stepped to the side of the bed, watching you closely. He didn't seem angry, but that didn't mean he wasn't.

"How are you feeling?" Gon's voice was hard but somehow soft at the same time. He seemed almost reluctant, cautious.

Still, you did not look at him. You felt guilty enough as was and if you looked at him, you'd probably break down again. "I-I'm fine,"

Gon didn't like how small your voice was. He was used to the strong and loud Y/N who said what you wanted without caring about what others thought or felt. He reached out, setting his warm hand over your own bandaged one. Your body tensed but you didn't pull away. Instead, you gripped his hand tightly in your own as if you were afraid to let him go again.

"We were really worried about you."

"I'm sorry, Gon." you finally looked at him, eyes shining with remorse and pain. "I'm so sorry."

He smiled, feeling tears come to his eyes. "We've already forgiven you, ne?"

Leorio and Killua nodded in agreement and smiled. You finally had your friends back. You weren't alone anymore and, for the first time in a long time, you felt like the heavy burden of life had been lifted from your shoulders.