Finding My Place vol.7: f r i e n d s



"Lotta people in my face, but I can't hear a thing. It's like my head's up in the clouds, and I ain't coming down, no." - Turn the Music Up - NF

I knocked on the door to M's room, a stack of textbooks and notebooks under my arm. I heard M call that it was open so I turned the handle and stepped inside, finding the three usual suspects chilling on the bed, papers and books spread across the end of it.

I smiled at them. "Hey, guys."

"Hey," Kong smiled politely. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I rubbed the back of my neck, settling onto the spare space next to Oak's legs. "It was intense and I had… a moment after leaving, but Yacht talked me down. Thanks for inviting me to study with you guys."

"Of course."

"Have you talked to Waad?" I wondered, glancing at the three.

"I just got off the phone with him, actually. He's going to study in his room," Kong answered.

"He shouldn't have argued with Prem like that," Oak commented, looking up from the game on his phone.

"I agree," M added, his hair still slightly damp from his shower and a towel slung over his shoulder. "But I think that the seniors took it too far this time. They even made Aspen leave and she didn't do anything."

"This time," Oak commented. I smacked his leg and he stuck his tongue out at me over his shoulder. "If one of them had conceded, it wouldn't have turned out this way."

M hummed, looking through the papers on the bed. "But it's always the freshmen who concede, no matter what."

"Why can't the seniors be the ones to concede?" Kong wondered.

"Why do you even ask?" M replied. "Why would the seniors do that? They are the seniors."

"Shouldn't there be mutual respect? Seniority has nothing to do with it," Kong said.

"Speaking as an American," I added, gaining their attention, "Respect is an iffy subject. I honestly agree with Waad - respect should be earned, not given just because someone is older, but… I don't know. It's a weird subject."

"Wait a second," Oak glanced up from his notebook. "What about you just let them do their stuff? There's no need to piss them off."

"More than we already have," I added with a grimace.

"They're right," M motioned toward us. "It's always us who receive the blow. What about you?" He pointed at Kong. "Have you ever gotten in trouble? Then why did you piss them off?"

"He did have to run a bunch of laps," I supplied, leaning against the wall and taking out my manga from between the textbooks.

"Hey, stop reading and study!" Oak poked my leg with his pencil.

"I refuse. I don't understand it anyway."

"Me neither," Oak and M chorused before looking at each other and laughing.

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I followed behind the group as they headed for the activity room. The closer we got, the slower I walked until finally, there was a gap between myself and the rest of the group. My nerves grew with every step I took, my heart beating loudly in my ears. Was I even welcome in the meeting? Prem had made it pretty obvious that he didn't want me there and I don't think I can handle him going full postal on me like he had to Waad.

I stopped walking, frowning at the ground. Did I want to take the chance? Shaking my head, I turned on my heel and ran right into someone. "Shit, s-sorry!"

"Were you running away from the meeting?"

My eyes snapped up to meet Knot's, my cheeks burning. For a moment, I blanked and just stared at him before realizing that I hadn't greeted him. I slapped my hands together so hard that they stung before I bowed my head. "H-Hello."

He smiled, putting his hands into his pockets. "You should come to the meeting."

"Ah, well…" I rubbed the back of my neck, focusing on a flyer that had been taped to the wall.

"Are you worried about Prem?"

"No… maybe."

He chuckled. "Come on, you'll be fine."

I bit my lip, hesitantly following him toward the activity room. Most of the freshmen had already settled down and I noticed an empty spot between Tew and M. Knot sent me a smile before taking his place at the front of the room and I settled down between the two boys.

"What did he say to you?" M whispered to me.

"He just told me it was okay for me to join the meeting," I whispered back before turning my attention to the front when Arthit began speaking.

"Many of your friends didn't attend today's hazing meeting. I want to know the reason. Can anyone tell me?"

The freshmen exchanged looks, whispering amongst themselves but no one spoke up. I even sat on my hands just in case my arm decided to raise without consulting my brain first.

Arthit walked down the line of students, his eyes scanning them like a hunter looking for its prey. I made sure to avoid his gaze when he got close.

"You there, get up."

I glanced at him quickly just to see where his gaze was. He was looking directly at M. I felt panicked for him, though I know he must be feeling a lot worse. I tapped the back of his leg, hoping he understood my attempt at comfort.

Arthit waited until M was standing before posing his question. "Where's your name tag?"

"Well… I forgot to wear it."

Shit. I slapped my hand over my chest, sending Tew a panicked look which he returned with a pat on the shoulder. I forgot my tag, too! I was so damn nervous about coming to this meeting that I completely forgot to grab it. Maybe he wouldn't no -

"You, stand up."

I swallowed, praying to every deity I could think of that he was not looking at me, but when I looked up, he was staring me down. M held out his hand and I shakily took it, getting to my feet with his help. He repeated the question to me. "Um, well… I kind of… f-forgot mine… too."

"Forgot? Do you two think your name tags are simply for decoration? I've already told all of you the importance of the name tag. It's your form of identification for your friends and your seniors to be able to tell who you are." He paused. "But neither of you brought it with you. Does that mean you don't want us to recognize you?"

I had to stop myself from nodding. I very much did not want to be recognized by the hazers. I'd much rather prefer if they didn't know I existed, but here we are. I glanced up, meeting Knot's gaze. His face was stoic and his eyes didn't give away what he was feeling, but my mind made sure to tell me what I believed he was thinking - 'Why can't you stay out of trouble?'

And what a good question that was. Not that I had an answer for it.

M hesitated, his voice soft. "No, not at all."

Arthit looked at me expectantly and I shifted. "N-No, sir."

"If that's not the reason, is it because all of them already know who you are? That's why you didn't bring it. Let us see if your friends really know you well. Everybody, face up."

Most of the freshmen were already staring at us, but the few that weren't looked up at his command. M sent me a help which looked more like a cry for help and I knew that my face mirrored his.

"Look at your friend. Does anyone know these two?"

Silence. No one was willing to speak up.

"Anybody?" He called out. "Do they have no friends whatsoever?"

"His name is M and her name is Aspen."

"Who was that?" Arthit demanded.

I couldn't hold back my smile when Kong stood up. "Me."

"0062, Kongpob. Do you know these two well?"

"Yes," he replied confidently.

Arthit then turned to us. "Give me your ID card. Both of you."

We exchanged a confused look before reaching into our pockets, pulling out our wallets. I figured he wouldn't want my USA ID so I left that one behind but he shook his head.

"Both of them."

Wearily, I handed both of my IDs over to him, M doing the same with his own. He put M's ID on top, looking down at it.

"What's your friend's full name?" Arthit questioned, pointing at M.

"Katawut," Kong replied.

"Birthday?"

"It's December 12, 1998."

"Home address?"

"180 Assadang Road, Wangburapapirom Subdistrict, Phra Nakhon District, Bangkok 10200."

"National ID number?"

Kong chuckled, a smirk on his face as he answered, "1-1008-00951-66-9."

"Holy shit," I muttered, staring at Kong in disbelief.

Arthit did not look happy as he handed the ID back to M. "Here. Now, how about her? What's her name?"

"Aspen Reynolds."

"Birthday?"

"October 31st, 1997."

M looked at me in surprise. "You were born on Halloween?"

I nodded. "Better than April first."

"True."

"Quiet!" Arthit glared at us. "Home address?"

"184 Ma-li avenue, Rong Khe Subdistrict, Ban Phaeo District, Samut Sakhon 74120."

"National ID number?"

"1-1885-55016-96-4."

"How the fuck do you know that?" I gaped at him.

Arthit huffed, flipping my USA ID to the top. "Address in the United States?"

Kong paused, seeming to search his brain. "1520 Gardnia boulevard, New York, New York, 10055."

"ID number?"

"18349531486242."

"Dude," I stared at him. "Are you a fucking serial killer? Should I be worried?" Laughter erupted throughout the room at my comment and Kong cracked a smile, winking at me.

"Quiet," Arthit barked before handing both IDs back to me, not looking pleased that his attempt to show up Kong had failed. "It seems you know your friends really well." He motioned for us to sit back down and neither of us hesitated to do so, but Kong remained standing. "Now, I'd like to know if you also know your other friends as well as you know those two. All of you, flip over your name tags."

The students did as they were instructed, turning their tags over so their names rested against their chest. I glanced at Tew, whose tag refused to stay hidden, causing him to use his hand to hold it in place.

"Number 0023, stand up. What's her name?"

"Maprang," Kong answered confidently and she up her tag to show Arthit, confirming the answer.

"Number 0075."

"Tew."

"Number 0038."

"Oak."

This continued on for a while, with Arthit calling random students up only for Kong to properly state their names. It was almost amusing watching Arthit's face getting more and more frustrated as he continued failing to catch Kong off guard.

"Number 0151, stand up."

May stood up, shyly turning to look at Kong. I thought he had this no problem, but I could practically see the gears turning in his head as he tried to recall her name. I sat up straighter to try and get his attention to give him her name, but I guess I was too obvious about it.

"Aspen!" Arthit snapped. "Face forward."

My shoulders hunched as I turned back around to face him, frowning at his glare.

"What's her name?" he questioned, his voice becoming smug as he realized that Kong couldn't answer. "I'm asking what her name is!" Another moment of silence before he shook his head and stepped toward her. "Give me your name tag."

She pulled it from around her neck, keeping her head down. I honestly felt bad for her even though I could only imagine what she must be feeling. If it were me, I would feel so embarrassed and sad that Kong, who had so confidently known half the class, was unable to recall my own name.

"I've already told you guys," he continued, "why I gave you your name tags. It's because I want you to realize the importance of your friends, but you can't even remember her name? If you think this is useless, then we don't need it." He then ripped the nametag in half, put the halves together, and ripped them again before letting the pieces fall to the ground. "Remember - this just shows that you're not giving much importance to your friends."

I leaned toward Tew, frowning at him. "I get what he's saying, but not everyone can be friends."

"0018, Aspen. Do you have something to say?"

I swallowed, slowly turning my gaze to meet Arthit's. "N-No."

"Are you sure about that?" he questioned. "Stand up. Let me hear what you have to say."

I looked at Tew and M for help, but they could only look at me with a mix of pity and what I believed was disappointment. I remembered what M said before about playing with fire only for everyone else to get burnt. I shook my head. "It's n-nothing. I'm sorry, s-sir."

"If you have something to add, it's important that we hear your side. Right?" he taunted. "Stand up!"

My gaze found Knot's without meaning to and he gave a soft nod. For whatever reason, I felt a little more at ease and confident, almost as if I had his approval. Maybe I imagined it, the movement had been small, but the effect still remained. I stood up on shaky legs, tugging at the hem of my t-shirt. "I… It feels weird… when you call us all f-friends… I understand why it's i-important to… to have a good relationship with… your classmates but…"

"But?" he leaned forward, eyebrows raised.

"Well, um…" I kept my gaze level with his collarbone, grabbing my left elbow. "It's kind of… unrealistic to think that… that everyone can be friends. It's n-natural for some people to not… get along or like each other. But… um… I mean, they can still work together and strive for success! But… but they don't h-have to be friends to do that." I shifted my weight from one leg to the other, taking a deep breath and forcing myself to meet his eyes. "What you're doing i-is… it's really great, though! F-For people like me, we… we're not good with… with dealing with others… I personally would p-prefer not to be noticed because people… they s-scare me so I would r-rather not wear one… I also can't j-just walk up to someone and… and ask for their name, so your system, it… it's really good… sir!"

His eyes widened in surprise and I quickly looked away, clenching my elbow tighter. Several moments passed by in silence before he ordered me to sit down. I nearly fell back into my seat and M had to put his arm behind my back to stop me from falling into the student behind me.

"You're crazy," M muttered to me.

Tew chuckled, leaning closer so he didn't have to raise his voice. "She's braver than I thought."

"I'd like to end this session for now," Arthit announced. "I hope that next time when you come here, all of you are wearing your name tags. If you think you've learned enough about each other, then you're free to not wear it. Let's just wait and see. Is that clear?"

"Yes!"

The hazers started to walk away and I breathed out a sigh of relief, only to realize that now is a really good chance to apologize. Taking a deep breath, I pulled myself to my feet, but I couldn't seem to propel myself toward the hazers who were nearly out of the room.

I glanced at Tew over my shoulder. "Tew, push me."

"What?" he questioned in surprise. "I'm not going to push you."

"M, push me."

"Eh?" his eyes widened.

"Push me!"

"Why?"

"Oh my Deadpool," I groaned. "Oak, push me!"

Oak glanced at the two boys who were shaking their heads no but he just shrugged, placing the palms of his hands on my shoulder blades and giving me a shove. I squeaked at the force he used, stumbling forward and catching the attention of the hazers, who paused in the doorway. Bright saw me first, said something to Arthit and then pointed toward me. Arthit looked annoyed as he turned toward me.

I came to a stop in front of them, keeping as much distance as I could from them to try and keep my nerves as steady as possible. I recalled Yacht's words and really wanted to make him proud of me so I steeled myself for what I was about to do. I briefly wondered if I could get another boost of courage from looking at Knot again, so I flicked my eyes to his, surprised to see him watching me intently. My heart fluttered but I somehow felt calmer, though I still couldn't look at him for long.

"S-Sorry to bother you, but… do you… have a minute, Arthit? Sir…"

"What is it?"

I glanced at the other hazers that were staring at me and I shifted. "C-Can we… talk alone? Please?"

He glanced at his friends before looking back at me with an annoyed expression. "If you have something to say to me, you can say it in front of us all or not at all."

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "I just… I wanted to… to apologize to you. I, um… what I said… about you being a bully, it was… it was out of line." I quickly bowed and before he could reply, I turned on my heel and dashed back toward the group.

"What was that about?" M wondered, looking over my shoulder at the hazers. I could feel their gazes on my back and I really wanted to disappear before they decided they had some type of reply for me.

"Nothing, just a… question." I cleared my throat. "Where's Kong?"

"Over there," Tew pointed to the front where May was sitting. Kong was squatting in front of her and had taken off his nametag, holding it out to her.

"Kongpob," barked Arthit from behind me, making me jump in surprise and instinctively move closer to M. He passed by us, approaching Kong. "What are you doing?"

"I gave her my name tag," he answered simply, looking up at the hazer.

"Why did you do that? Who ordered you to?"

"No one. It's my fault that I couldn't remember her name. I have to take responsibility."

"But you're aware that by giving your name tag to your friend, you'll have nothing to use as a name tag. And do you understand that without having a name tag, you're violating the rules?"

Kong stood up, meeting the hazer's gaze without fear. In that moment, I felt so envious of his courage. "I'm aware of it."

A beat of silence passed as they stared each other down. "Good. Let's wait and see." Arthit turned, sending me a look before he headed for the door where the others were waiting.

I released the breath I had been holding, leaning against M. "Those guys are terrifying…"

M nodded quickly. When Kong made it over to us, we started to leave the room, making plans to meet in M's room to work on our report that's due tomorrow, but I paused at the door, looking over my shoulder as May talked with her friends.

"Aspen, you coming?"

I glanced at Tew before looking back at May. She seemed to be doing okay, smiling and laughing with her friends. I figured it was best to not bring it up, so I only smiled and followed the boys out of the room.